Fatally fitting in

Fatally Fitting in is the concept of trying to be accepted in every situation at your own expense.

In recovery, I have heard the term terminally unique. My problem was fatally fitting in where I didn’t belong, repeatedly and expecting different results. I am unique, we all are if we are living correctly. Embracing my individuality and having it appreciated is something I haven’t done. This far I am enjoying the results a great deal. Attempting to do what I thought would gain me acceptance from others is what led me into my addiction.

I am sure my recovery is different that most, exactly like others are. We all have a lot of similarities but we all experienced them differently. Assuming someone’s recovery should be the same as yours or that you know what someone’s recovery should be is your own sickness in my opinion.

Really beginning to feel appreciated, respected, understood, accepted and love from others for being myself.  Not everyone understands my choices and that is ok, they don’t have to. I have had such a hard time feeling these things that I am humbly learning to accept them.

I don’t need to have people agree with me all the time because I am wrong a great deal of the time and need to backpedal from statements, reactions, perceptions and long held beliefs. I can only see the world, facts, etc. as I understand them.  Most people pick and choose the things that support their belief system, myself included.

I need to go where I feel the love. Love to me means making time for me, accepting my opinions, allowing me to make my own choices, respecting differences of opinions, appreciating me, noticing my individuality, understanding my struggles, forgiveness and uplifting words.

I have no longer have time for those who wish to force their beliefs as truths, don’t realize they see the world through their own filter, consistently can’t make time for me, take me for granted, perpetually insult me even in a joking fashion, say they understand me when all their actions clearly show they don’t, don’t respect that we all have our own uniqueness or in general, do all the things I used to do to myself and others.

So if you can occasionally make time for me, appreciate me, say more good than bad about me, respect me, understand me, listen to my opinions without interruption, take interest in what I have to say, not just wait your turn to talk, respect my choices without condemning them when we disagree you are my people.

I have respect for constructive criticism but if you just want to pound your beliefs into me, you can kick rocks.

I have love for everyone, I only have time for people who elevate me.

I used to work so hard on fatally fitting in, today I am working on being me, accepting my differences as well as finding my similarities with others.

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