Involution

The insides of me evolving

new seeds of life

sprouting from the necrotic

elements of my former soul

I have died many times in this life

I have lived many lives in this life

Every Cell in my body has been replaced many times

I am the paradox of Theseus’ Ship

I am both the river and the river man of Heraclitus

Although I love who I am today and love who I was

Who I was would hate who I am

They wouldn’t be able to understand

They would see me through a murky fog of reality

The former know it all would know all the answers

of every angle

today I know I can’t know all the angles or the answers

That specter of self would know the absolute truth

Today I know my truths and even those are opinions

I have Stockholm syndrome for myself

I abducted who I was and indoctrinated them

filling those deeply broken chasms with alchemical gold

I nourished that emaciated soul

with apples and pomegranate

The mysterious soul fruits of bygone eras

You see I had to pay a price to be who I am today

It wasn’t something I could put on the books

The soul contract I signed before I was born

had implicit payment guidelines

You can be who you are and become

when you relinquish who you are

the fine print stated

the fact that I would lose my soul for a time

and get cheap facsimiles of it

until my deeds and actions were worthy

of a better version to evolve

If I had been who I am today any sooner

the mistakes I made could have been

irreconcilable in this existence

Today when I look in the mirror

I don’t see a stranger anymore

I see that little boy I was

before I lost who I should be

I see the mystery, the love,

the hope, the imagination,

I see that fractal of infinite divinity

merged with some secrets of the mysteries

not the corporeal revenant

who had been the placeholder

I am a spiritual phoenix

a minute portion of a mortal

resurrecting androgenous diety

That boy I was whole again

and fused with ether

He had to be fractured by his own mind

Rejected by his culture

Feel alienated

Feel that deep hurt, that chasm of pain

That put me on the path of spiritual warrior

That was the fuel for the vision quest of a techno-shaman

I said I agreed to this before I was born

but I didn’t write the contract made with the all

even in the realms outside of this I am a fractal of the all

It was the all signing a contract with itself

In essence, I was a fractal of the involution of the all

a reverie or waking dream inside the infinite conscious

a thought of improvement

I am involution expressed in the infinite

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